Think About What You Want to Become...

This was the mysterious statement made by a Healing Touch therapist I was working with back in 2006 as I was leaving her house that evening in Florida. She hadn't discussed with me anything pertaining to this topic either prior to or after my treatment. In fact, we didn't do our usual lengthy sharing at all after the treatment due to the next person already waiting for her treatment. So, with this brief statement she bid me farewell that night. 

The instant she had uttered the words, my answer was ready. A Healer. That was all that came to me - very clearly, very simply, and very definitely. I want to become a Healer. That should have been my first clue. Alas, ignorance is bliss, and I was young and eager. 

As I was driving home and still rolling the word around in my mouth to get the taste of it, a few things struck me about it. First was the fact that this was perhaps the FIRST time in my life - ever - that I had clearly known, and felt, the answer to this particular question. And God knows, by that time, I had been asked that question plenty of times. For all of my life, the answer has really basically eluded me. Things would grab my attention for a while, only to fade away in a semi-predictable manner. Nothing seemed to stand the test of time, aside from the deep questions and the longing in my heart. The knowing that there is more to this life than meets the eye.

The second thing that grabbed my attention was that I could acknowledge to myself that I had, in fact, been on a path of gathering tools, knowledge and skills to be of service to others all the while becoming more conscious myself. What I did not know at the time was that the gathering of tools and the rest of it would likely continue for the rest of my life, and there would be tools and insights and encounters waiting for me that I couldn't even imagine at the time.  

The third point was one that almost got me. I heard a little voice saying; "You can't beCOME a healer. A healer is something one either IS or ISN'T." And as far as I knew, I wasn't one. The same little voice, gaining a bit of strength as it sensed my insecurity, went on to say; 

"Who do you think you are, aspiring to be a healer?" 

I don't know. What does a healer look like? 

"It might look like many things, but certainly not like you!" 

Oh, I get it. I thought I had put this committee on a bus and driven them of a cliff already. So I wasn't quite there yet. 

But in spite of the voice of my inner saboteur that day, some part of me knew I wanted to become 'a healer'. Some part of me longed to be a powerful woman by being empowered, therefore empowering others. That same part of me wanted desperately to become a contributor to the healing, not the destruction, of our planet. Thought I may not have known how, I wanted to be at peace with myself so that others around me could be at peace also.
Little did I know what a powerful prayer I had just uttered from my soul. 
Since the years after that fateful question in 2006, I am starting to get a glimmer of an idea just how fine the line is between ego and selflessness, surrender and empowerment. Each day I seem to learn more about how my ego loves to infiltrate and trip me up, while wearing the noble costumes of various charaters that at first glance seem worthy of my attention, and admiration even. Since that day in 2006, I have been on a journey toward humility and lightness of being. Of letting go of my preconceived notions and my self-driven agenda. My ego has not gone gentle into that good night. 
Fortunately I can have compassion for myself around all of that by now. Needless to say, having a slightly better idea of the treacherous journey involved, I no longer have a desire to be a healer. (Give me my hermit's cabin in the woods any day!) So, of course it is fitting that the healer archetype is front and center in my personal world as we all move into this powerful eclipse season in 2014. 

I want to leave you with a quote that, to me, sums up this human condition:
"If you have come here to help me, you are wasting your time... But if you have come because your liberation is bound with mine, then let us work together." - anonymous aboriginese woman
We are healers, all of us, after all.

Write a comment

Comments: 6
  • #1

    Tamara (Monday, 14 April 2014 22:38)

    You are Amazing Tanjariitta - and a gift of light for this world.
    I am deeply grateful for you !!

  • #2

    Tanjariitta (Monday, 14 April 2014 23:53)

    Tamara, my Soul Sister - Sending you so much love!! Thank you for your sweet words. Still keeping an eye out for those tickets to Florida.... xoxo

  • #3

    äiti (Tuesday, 15 April 2014 02:39)

    Rakas lapseni, olet uskomaton.Tuon luettuani voisin ""huutaa" koko maailmalle, katsokaa ja kuunnelkaa häntä, hän on jotain mitä maailma tarvitsee juuri nyt!Äiti

  • #4

    Jane (Tuesday, 15 April 2014 06:28)

    The world is enriched by your living in it. It always has been. Loving you always..............Jane

  • #5

    Ann (Tuesday, 15 April 2014 07:54)

    A lifetime of chocolate covered cherries for you, my friend!

  • #6

    Jo-Lynn (Tuesday, 15 April 2014 21:45)

    Enjoyed this, Tanjarita. Thanks for sharing your journey- to healing yourself and our planet- and all the humility and irony that is part of this path! Cheers To Health and Wholeness..